I think, No I know that one of the saddest moments in a friendship is having to stand back and watch a friend go through something that is truly painful. If memory serves me correctly my friend Sally's Mom was already ill when Sally and I first met. Sally's Moms disease was cruel and slowly robbed her of her beautiful mind. In typical "Sally Fashion" Sally was positive and strong through the whole terrible journey. When Sally's Mom passed away my husband and I went to the ceremony. Of course Sally had planned everything down to the last detail of happy family photograghs strewn around the room and a "VERY GROOVY PARTY DRESS" (her Mom's) as the centre piece. Sally didn't invite her friends and family to a funeral. Sally invited everyone to a wonderful going away party! Sally's Moms final party was a celebration of a life so well lived and a woman so well loved! I asked Sally if I could post the eulogy she wrote for her Mom on mynameismom.com because it so perfectly expressed the love and friendship shared between a Mother and Daughter. I hope that everyone who reads this eulogy feels the same love and celebration that every person in that room felt the day of Bette's going away party!

Everything I really needed to know I learned from my Mom.

Some of the more mundane lessons have really been helpful through the years: Always include a little black when decorating a room. Spend money on good furniture, don't buy anything that won't stand the test of time. Tulips arrange themselves in a vase. White flowers are the best choice for outside because they show up at night!

My Mom taught me how to "deadhead" a rhododendron and how shop effectively and with purpose at the Army and Navy shoe sale! Most of the lessons she tried to instill in me as a teenager (which I chose to ignore) turned out to be right!

When my Mom would tell me my selection of a piece of clothing or furniture "didn't work" it drove me crazy because invariably she was right!

But there were more important lessons, the most important of which was her example of what it takes to be a good Mom--------

My Mom was a Mother in the very best sense of the word. She brought us up with firmness, silliness, good humor, the occassional whack of a hair brush and constant support and love. Having experience as a Mother now, I have so much appreciation for what she did, how completely and whole heartedly she loved being a Mother and a Wife. She was a woman of infinite good taste and fashion and she could make a great soup out of anything from radish tops to beet leaves! She was a creator and master of all holiday traditions. The table was always set with the appropriate festive holidayware-------- turkey plates, the red Valentine's goblets or rabbit shaped cookies! She was also a wonderful friend to each of us and I loved spending time with her. Especially in my twenties and thirties, I found then that we had so much in common------- our taste, our need for an audience for our silliness, our shared joy of a good sale and a love of our home and family. My Mom was my best friend. I look back on that period of time with fondness because it wasn't too long after I had my three children that my Mom became ill and her sense of vivacity and fun were slowly taken away from her and all of us.

As time progressed I depended on the memories of others to remind me of my Mom's best character traits. Again and again people would tell me what a great sense of fun my Mom had, what a wonderful sense of style, a flair for decorating and hosting a memorable party! She loved a good party and never missed an opportunity to dance! She was an engaging and entertaining speaker------- whether it was Hadassah meetings or high school reunions. Whatever the occassion she would deliver a memorable and funny speech. Even if the jokes were at her own expense! She did love an audience!

Even at her weakest, at the last stages of my Mom's illness she would respond to a wet smacking kiss in her ear (like the ones my Father used to give her) or I could simple tell her "I Love You Mom" and she would muster a smile and respond with "that's nice" and I always knew she was pleased to hear it . Because in the end isn't that what every Mother wants to hear?

It is fitting that my Mom passed away in the Spring because I am reminded of her presence every morning and every evening by the call of the black crested chickadee. My Mom claimed the bird called her name outside her window when she was put to bed early in the evening before dark. She told me she would lie in bed in the dimming light at the end of the day and listen to the chickadee call "Bette", "Bette" until she finally fell asleep. It turns out that the bird call everyone's name---------Listen for it!

I found a quote written by Reeves Linbergh, the daughter of Charles Linbergh whose own Mother passed away from dimentia about finding a relationship without the use of words.

"As it turns out I found my Mother during the last quieter weeks of her life, In her silence itself and my own. I think I finally learned what she was teaching me: that human relationships can exist beyond personal interaction, beyond eleoquence. She taught me that there is something more important, something that I can only call a presence, and  even then I'm not sure I have named it correctly. It was her last lesson for me, and it may have been the most important one: that it is possible to love someone just by being with them, whatever their condition or mood; that it is possible to love someone without expecting an expression of love in return; that it is possible to love someone without confirmation of her familiar identity, and even without confirmation of mine".

In the seventies Mom was a great fan of The Mary Tyler Moore show and was in fact a lot like Mary Richards. There was a classic episode called "Chuckles Bites The Dust" when Mary attends Chuckles the Clowns funeral and can't stop laughing hysterically in the middle of the service when the Minister recalls Chuckles famous line "a little song, a little dance,a little seltzer in your pants" Mom also thought this was a terribly funny line and would repeat it often!

So I would like to propose a toast to my Mother and say "Heres to you Mom, a little song, a little dance, a little seltzer in your pants"!!!!!!!!!!!!