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WHY AREN'T WOMEN HAPPY?
I recently came across an article in the news paper titled Why aren't women happy? I was immediatly drawn to this article because upon self eveluation at that exact moment I decided that I was not happy! I was not depressed, just not happy. The article was full of data and impressive opinions but was basically gibberish and I was no more happy when I finished it. We already know that women were sold a raw deal when we were told we could have (or rather DO) everything. No one can DO everything (well). We already know that in order to have a career, marriage, children, mortgage, extended family, pets and a functioning life you will be exhausted and never have enough time for yourself! We have been told, we have read, we have absorbed all this knowledge, does this make us happy? ARE YOU KIDDING! that is like asking someone swimming the English Channel if they are happy? well they will be when they get to stop swimming!!!!! People who write these articles seem to believe that there is some sort of mahtematical equation to happiness. If it were only that simple! Happiness it seems can not be defined! What makes me blissfully happy is not the same as what makes my best friend happy (other than spending time together!). This brings me to my next thought sometimes discussing our unhappiness is fun! Maybe that is why reality T.V. is so popular. We do not watch these shows to see peoples perfect lives that would be boring as hell, we watch to see total mayhem! Discussing our glitches is like saying to a group of women it is O.K. to be less than perfect and revel in our life flaws! Talking about what is wrong with our lives is funny and it should be because life is far too short to take it all so seriously. As women we have been fed so many "tall tales" about life and what is perfect. We started with fairy tales and moved on to romance novels (there actually is a Mr Right he is living with Prince Charming!) From romance novels we moved on to self improvement books and read them even when there was nothing wrong with us! We are programed to see what is wrong our lives and it is natural to want to share that! We have all done it! Gone out with some girlfriends and commiserated about our crappy lives or nearly peed ourselves laughing over some dumb ass thing our husband (or exhusband) has done! If you are one of those poor women who are still trying to pretend your life is perfect and have never discussed the above mentioned scenario JUST STOP IT! give it up, or you will die of unhappiness! These interactions are not whinning or admitting defeat they are not even serious they are just perfectly healthy "Group Grouches"! These little misfortunes and screw ups are what bring us together. Every time another member of the Mom sisterhood survives one we need to laugh, cry,cheer and support each other. We may not be happy but we sure know how to laugh................. Maybe that is the equation that all "great experts" are missing
LAUGH MORE
+
AT YOURSELF
+
OR WITH FRIENDS
=
HAPPINESS
I feel happier already!
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1
Really? There are studies, facts and stats and colourful graphs that prove women aren't happy? Who wrote that article and were they happy?
Although I've suspected it for years, it's really only recently that I truly understood (the type of understanding you no longer question or wonder at it's permanence), that true happiness is an inside job. It's a choice.
Our use of language doesn't typically support this notion. We speak a language of cause and effect, 'He made me angry.", "I'll be happier when I'm skinny, rich, smarter, in a relationship....fill in the blank." It distances us from our pain and places the responsibility for our emotions somewhere else. As nifty a trick as this is when things feel too overwhelming to handle, when we begin to believe our emotions are outside of our control, we disempower ourselves. We lose our ability to choose and happiness becomes an elusive thing we can't seem to hold onto.
I finally figured out we can be happy anytime, anywhere, under any circumstances if we want to - no questions asked, no conditions, no strings! In fact, our true nature is happiness. Think of it as the middle ground or the place a pendulum rests when it's not swinging between extremes. We are always meant to return to happiness, our calm centre. For most of us, especially women with children who have been relentlessly conditioned by the media, our communities and our own kind! that happiness is.......[fill in the blank], this idea that feeling happy is up to us, verges on the realm of crazy talk.
But seriously, humor me or better yet, humor you and give this trick a try. Think of something that you currently believe 'makes you happy' - a baby's laugh, a puppies wet nose, a new pair of shoes, Godiva chocolates, whatever happiness is to you. Imagine you're there, blissfully enjoying this happy place. Breathe it in. Feel the smile on your face.
Now imagine you can't have it - ever. What are you feeling now? Did you just swing from happy to sad or worse? What made that happen? Hint: the only one involved was your imagination - a clever creator of stories both great and small, directed by the one and only, you! You made that happen. You chose the emotions by believing, if only temporarily, one story over another. The thoughts you chose and the emotions you tied to those thoughts were totally your choice.
Now how does that make you feel? Hopefully, powerful. But hey, I can't tell you how to feel, how you feel is up to you!
2
Posted by:
Mom
May 24, 2010 2:18AM
Amen to that!
It takes practice, but it's true. You can choose happy any time you want. Nobody makes you happy but you.
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