I'm taking a chance and going public with this. I wasn't in sync with most other women when my children hit the much publicized 'terrible twos' stage and now I'm out of sync again. It all feels vaguely familiar. When my children hit the two year old mark - four kids meant we saw that stage four times - I was anticipating a recurring rough patch given all the hype about just how terrible two year olds were supposed to be. And do you know what happened? Nothing. 

Now maybe the fact that a new baby came on the scene at the same time the baby before turned two had something to do with it. Maybe I was too busy to notice or the new baby created a big distraction from all the reasons a two year old has for going postal. Whatever it was, when the women I knew talked about the terrible twos, I had nothing to say.

Instead of, or maybe because of nothing happening at two, and having my guard down, I experienced a totally different dynamic - the testy threes. No one else I knew talked about that stage. That stage was about me, not them. That was the stage when I felt tested. Smart, savy three years old do that. They ask genuine questions that point out how illogical our world is. They want real answers. That was the stage when they'd begun to realize they were separate from me and the testing part was whether I was ready to let them go.

Now I'm moving through the other of the dreaded stages - teen years - and once again I'm at odds with my peers. For years I've heard other moms lament about their teenagers. Recently I've met a lot of women who when talking about their kids, sum it all up with something along the lines of Aaaarrrgh! I have teenagers!!! I've seen an awful lot of eye-rolling of late and it's being done by other moms, not the teens!

I wonder if the visceral reaction women I've met have to teenagers isn't a bit of a smokescreen for how this stage of the game makes them feel. This stage reminds me of those testy threes, that stage where the growing pains of my children were surpassed only by my own. Being with teenagers is like living 24/7 in a 360 mirror. Those women on What Not to Wear have nothing on mothers with teenagers where every aspect of yourself is exposed for their often too perceptive, uninhibited opinions.

For myself, I would have thought by now I'd have a grip on being a mother, but clearly I don't. Every day I'm compelled to look at the unfinished bits in myself just to answer their questions or come up with a workable strategy when I'm faced with scenario after scenario for which I have no point of reference.

But this uncomfortable truth aside, I like teenagers. I find them fascinating. Not unlike the other stages of childhood, they give us a chance to view the world through an entirely different set of eyes - eyes that are seeing it all for the first time. It's the fulfillment of that fantasy question, 'If you could go back and do it all again but with the added bonus of knowing what you know now, what would it look like?' I have a sneaking suspicion, that isn't so far-fetched after all. As moms with teenagers, don't we have that view all the time?