It is that time of year again when all commercials and magazines turn their attention to explaining to us "simple minded women" how to become bikini ready! Yes, in case you have ever wondered there is a time frame and magazines seem to have deemed that women require exactly four weeks to leap out into the public eye half naked!!!! This seems like a rather bizarre concept I know but apparently it is just one more bar that woman  have to rise to! On top of everything else that we supposedly have to be excellent at we should now become "Uber Fit" in four weeks and appear at public beaches (baby under our rock hard arm, picnic basket full of home made gourmet fair so no one is hungry, beach bag in the other rock hard arm, briefcase with laptop in your hand and all of this perched upon your toned bronzed legs and supported by your rock hard abs!). According to advertisers this is a breeze and to begin you must simply rub cellulite cream all over yourself (this cream is usually advertised by a seventeen your old ballerina who has never imagined cellulite in her whole life let alone having children!). After you have rubbed this wonder cream all over yourself, you simply have every piece of hair on your whole body ripped off (so you are silky smooth!) Except of course for the hair on your head! If you are feeling really fired up and want that surfer girl look you could go to an expensive salon and have other women's hair glued to your head! This looks fabulous, it is really itchy and feels like you have ants on your head but hey isn't it worth looking like a surfer girl! Now once you have completed all these tasks comes the tough decision "to tan or not to tan"? that is the question. Every women representing "bikini ready" in the media has a tan. I live in a place that there is just not enough sun in my four weeks of getting "bikini ready" that I could possibly acquire that toasty bronzness that is the sort after shade for my readiness! So my choices become a sun tan booth (probably not a bad idea because the media likes to follow up bikini ready with many issues {assaults} on silly people that allow their skin to become sun damaged this is also a fabulous way to advertise wrinkle creams)! or going to a booth and having myself spray painted a unique shade of orangey brown (imagine the color of over ripe oranges). The spray tan route is apparently safer but I can tell you from past experience you can not walk or sit on sand because it rubs your sprang tan off and you will have little white feet and the cheeks of your ass (strangely exactly where the offending cellulite is) will also be white!!! I think that spray tanning is best for becoming "bikini ready" for a sandless lake!!! I am forty five years old and all of this seems like nonsense to me now! It is not that I am in such great shape that I do not care (I am not!) It is that I have finally come to understand it is not what I look like, it was how much fun I am having! I am going to live this bikini season through my own eyes not someone else and yes, I will not be bikini ready! I have chosen to be fun ready! I am up for fun! If anyone wants to play frisbee on the beach with a forty five year old women in a one piece swimsuit (maybe even with a t-shirt over it) I'm your gal!!!! Only one rule: do not compare us to the seventeen year old, copper colored, bikini clad, bikini  ready chicks on the beach because there is no comparison we are the smarter ones enjoying our time and laughing because we are "fun ready"!