I don't think I'd call what I feel towards my kids jealously so much as a nagging resentment at all the time I spent supporting and cultivating their social lives while I completely disregarded my own. I feel it bubbling up when they ask the question this way, 'Are you doing anything tonight?' - I know they know I'm not because when was the last time I did anything that wasn't related to them. I get the warning sign too - a throbbing at the edge of my temple right above my left eye and I find myself without patience to play pretend with them, so I ask, "Why? What do want to do tonight that involves me?" If nothing else, I've learned to cut to the chase so I can get to the tylenol a little quicker and fend off the impending migraine.

So, no, I wouldn't call it jealousy I feel as I drive them somewhere or pick-up a group of happy go lucky teens. And in all fairness I wouldn't call it resentment either - for one, it's so distasteful. I think if I was being really honest, I'd call it regret; regret for not believing in date-nights with my husband, regret for not escaping with my girl-friends, regret for not telling my children when they were still little enough to believe anything I told them, that every mom has a secret life where she goes once in a while to do fun, interesting, exciting things and that when they were older, they too would have a secret life to look forward to. Instead, I bought into the notion that they couldn't possibly live without me as I ironically cultivated their life without me!

So to every mom out there with little ones, here's some hard-earned wisdom from the trenches: Take time off from being an around-the-clock mom and tell your children you're off on a secret mom mission. Tell them how excited you are. Share some tales of your adventures with them at bed-time. And tell them how when they grow-up they too will have secret joy-filled missions. Unlike the stories we lay on our children that involve bunnies delivering eggs (um, it'd be more believable if it were chickens, but I digress) and about the jolly old elf with his magical bag of unlimited toys and ipods, at least your secret life stories would be grounded in truth if you actually went out for the odd adventure. It could be a night at the library alone to read uninterrupted or a dinner with friends without worrying if the kids will behave or a bike ride around the lake or an hour alone on the beach. It doesn't matter what so long as when you come home your step is a little lighter and your smile is a little brighter and the hug you wrap your little ones in isn't accompanied by a wistful sigh or a giant yawn because you've drained yourself dry.  Trust me when I say, your kids want you to be happy. They can't help themselves because when you're happy, lets face it, everyone is happier!

So really, go on, you have a secret mission to fulfill. Stop reading right now and go. I'm not kidding! Go! 

First of all you are not jealous! I think that "jealous" is the wrong word because I really doubt anyone would want to be a teenager again (yuck, what a trying time of life!) I think you just have to focus on what it is you would like to do (within reason of course) and then go about organizing what ever it is. It always seems like a big deal to do something if you are basically doing nothing! Just jump back into life. Don't worry about not being available for your daughter if she needs you, that is what cell phones are for. No excuses, just go out there and do something that makes you happy!!!! You might be really surprised by how many people you attract if you are just simply happy, joy has a magnetic pull and soon you to will have a life!

I really like that quote and I think there's merit to the suggestion that resentment builds and can wreck havoc. Focusing some time on yourself is never a waste of time and the rewards can be monumental. The bonus is showing our daughters how we matter and that when they 'become their mothers', they'll know for a fact, they matter too.